It's Pride Month: The Need for Rainbow Spam

As you've probably noticed, your newsfeed is filling up with Pride flags, coming out stories, controversial bathroom hate crimes and cheeky memes about being a unicorn. 

As an ally, or impartial person --you know one who considers themselves tolerant but doesn't like to take sides--you're likely to be annoyed or even grow numb to the sentiment behind these posts.

The fact that Pride Month Celebrations can be annoying is the reason we need them.

If it were Hunger Awareness, Cancer Awareness, Autism Awareness, Heritage Month, or any other issue not pertaining to sexuality--would the reaction be the same?


I've been speaking out actively to those close to me why it's important for me, as a Christian, to be involved in this year's Pride activities. My city is having it's first Pride Festival and when I mentioned that it would be from a Wednesday to a Sunday--the audible eye roll went around the table like the wave at a football game.

In that moment I felt small, I felt foolish and I felt dirty. This is why we need Pride Month. 

Pride isn't about promiscuity, it isn't about sexualization, it isn't about getting drunk and having a techno dance party in the street in our underwear --it's about acceptance, love and integrity. In a culture where someone can get the audible eye roll for attending an event that celebrates and encourages marginalized people (which by the way--Jesus spent 95% of his ministry with marginalized people)--this month is important.

Instead of getting annoyed, why not engage. First, ask yourself why you're uncomfortable. Annoyance is just the polite version of anger. Why are you angry that people are fighting for acceptance? 

Second, engage with your friends. Ask your friend why that post is so important for them. Explain that you want to understand the importance but that you're having a tough time. Hear some firsthand stories about how LGBTQ people are dehumanized daily and why it needs to stop regardless of personal or religious convictions. 



Above all listen to your mom: if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Loneliness--Or as I like to call it, Black Hole of Doom

Talking with my fellow LGBT Christians, a real honest question that effects every person regardless of orientation, race, economical status or religion came up. How do you deal with loneliness. My first thought was my previous post about singleness you can read here.

Then my second thought was "I punch it in the face". My tongue and cheek response received a few likes and comments on our Facebook page, but I sat back and chewed on it for a bit. How DO I deal with loneliness?

In my experience, I deal with it in one of two ways: horrible indulgence or optimistic resilience. There is no in-between. When I'm feeling lonely, alone, unwanted, invisible, awkward, prickly, forgotten...ect...I either disappear into Netflix and Youtube binges whilst devouring whatever salty carbohydrates fried cheese covered creation I can manage or I get out of my own way and have fun.

Loneliness is less about being alone and more about being discontent with whom you're with/without. Think about it. I imagine at some point in your life , think a new situation/high school/or meeting someone's life long friends--you have likely felt lonely in a crowd. You weren't alone...but you felt alone. Surrounded by others and their happiness and memories, you felt like an outsider and were lonesome.

Then there's those times when you are alone and feel lonely. We dislike being alone with ourselves. Self talk and silent lies are the most oppressive when there is no one fun and exciting around to distract us from all the ways we've disappointed ourselves. We begin to ask questions that have no answers outside of timing. Why are all my friends getting married? (If this were true, you would have no engagements popping up in your newsfeed next year...it's likely an exaggeration.)

Which leads to: why am I single? Why haven't I received that promotion? How come I wasn't invited? Why don't I have any texts....so on and so on.

STOP.

Get up.

DO SOMETHING.

The best cure for the loneliness of self loathing is to go out and enjoy something other than the prison of your thoughts. Go to a park and take the best Instagram photo of clouds ever offered to mankind.

Take yourself on a date to a new vegan fusion cafe you've been dying to try and snapchat the world how jealous they should be of you.

Sign up for a new class, cooking, dancing, painting, gardening...you won't meet new people on your couch.

Lastly, write that friend that you miss. Not a text. Not a Facebook message, send them a long email or a long letter telling them about everything and nothing that you miss about them. Talk about the toast you made and how unfortunately seedy the bread was. DO something.

You can thank me later.

Something I Learned from a Chihuahua

Earlier this week, I had a lovely walk down on the water front with a good friend of mine. She has the most ferocious beast of a dog....a tiny chihuahua that wouldn't choke a bear in a fight.

As we were walking around, I noticed that this little ankle biter has a fondness for children but a great hatred and fear towards her own kind. She has little dog syndrome. Every single time we walked past another dog on a leash, she would growl, snarl and bark. Because she weighs less than 4lbs, she lifted herself right off the ground as I held the leash unphased by her atrocious behaviour.

Other dog owners smiled and laughed. We joked with them and made fun of her behaviour, but I couldn't help to recognize myself in what she was doing.

How many times have I lashed out at others when motivated by fear? I prejudge people more often than I would like to admit. Lately, I've been so defensive that any hint of feeling threatened leads me to bark at others--rendering relationship impossible.

In the last few weeks my inbox, Twitter, Facebook and cell phone have been full of inquiries about things I'm posting on this blog, people I'm meeting with during the week, interviews and resources. It is so unfair of me to be defensive simply because I feel small and vulnerable, because the semantics of the question seems loaded or because of an uncomfortable experience earlier that day.

Just like that little dog, I could be missing out on some great friends simply because I tend to push first and relax later. I wonder what would happen if I stopped being afraid to be wounded and just focussed on loving other people?

Thoughts?

5 Things I Learned from Discussing Sexuality with a Pastor

Today I did something that I was afraid to do. I talked with a local pastor about LGBTQ people and their relationship with the church. I was scared before I went, even though I know this person and knew the content of the conversation, that it was going to be about trying to convince one another of opposing views. Here's what I learned:

1) Bridging is bumpy.

One of the most helpful things we did for one another at the start of the discussion is define our terms and our lack of exhaustive knowledge on the material we were about to discuss. We laughed a bunch and admitted that it felt weird to talk this openly about being "not straight" (as I put it) and loving Jesus.

2) Something's got to change.

The reason for today's conversation was the recognition that when people come out as LGBTQ they feel, for one reason or another, they need to leave the church. LGBTQ Christians feel like they have to choose between fellowship with people who love Jesus and worshipping/serving together and their sexual orientation. We both recognize that conversations need to be had at an open table. This table needs to have listening ears on both sides--not to convince each other about theological ideologies but to listen to one another with empathy and understanding. There will be an "us" and "them" as long as we talk past one another.

3) People are hungry.

Pastors and lay workers within the church (read many churches, not one specific church) are meeting outside of Sunday services with LGBTQ community members to learn how to engage with people and begin ministering out of a place of love. What's being discovered is the amount of people who were raised in church, attended youth group, and even went to Bible College who identify as other than straight and left the church. They desire greatly to worship alongside other believers without being seen solely for whom they love. They want to be seen as God's children walking out faith.

4) We don't agree on every sin.

In the course of our conversation, we discussed whether or not conservative and mainstream Christian churches would be able to understand that LGBTQ Christians do not believe that their orientation is sin. We talked about how wide the spectrum is within the LGBTQ community--where some hold to traditional male/female marriage teachings opting for celibacy as the way to honour God with a same gender orientation and others hold to same-gender long term committed marriage. Similarly, Christians don't all agree on alcohol consumption, secular movies and entertainment, swearing and modesty.

5) One important question remained.

How can we remove the stigma, isolation and fear for those who come out in faith communities?

There's a few ways to do this. All of them take a long time.

First, sexuality regardless of straight or LGBTQ needs to be discussed in the context of church teaching. How can we expect a conversation round sexual orientation and inclusion if we can't even discuss sex in the context of marriage? It is astounding the amount of young adult Christians who didn't know how their body worked...or why it worked that way when I was at Bible College--because it was dirty and taboo.

Second, we need to create a culture where someone disclosing sexual orientation, sexual confusion or gender related questions is met with compassion and not solutions. Thank them for sharing with you. Admit that it must have been scary and difficult to talk about. Let them know that your love for them has not and will not change. Maybe consider waiting until later to discuss they why and how they know or are questioning. First just hold them and tell them it will be okay.

Third, how can the church make space for LGBTQ people and families to participate in church? We discussed the various reformations in church culture: women in ministry, divorced leaders, children outside of marriage--and how the church has embraced and including those once marginalized groups (some better than others). In light of those revelations of grace, how can the same attitudes be applied to the LGBTQ people in our communities.

What about you? Did you feel at one time or another like you had to choose between living authentically and being accepted? How can we walk with you?

Radical 2.0

Just over a year ago, I came out as Bisexual to those who know and love me and then on social media. For the sake of Christian connection, I put myself back in the closet so to speak in order to avoid hard conversations, criticism, isolation and potential loss of relationship. In doing so, I became judgemental, defensive, angry and isolated. I ended up perpetrating all of the things I was afraid of happening to me to others.

Friends and family tried to reach out and be close with me. They called, texted and emailed regularly. I shut them out. I kept telling myself "they won't understand" which really meant "they won't accept me". What I was forgetting is that many of these people already love and accept me...what's more, is many of them suspected I was struggling with something that was bigger than my anxiety.

I've been a part of The Gay Christian Network for almost three years now, to learn more about them click here. At GCN, I've found people on all sides of "The Great Debate" as they call it. There's a spectrum from allies and parents of LGBTQ+ believers to married and committed same gender couples. There's opposite gender couples in mixed orientation marriages trying to make it work. There's celibate Christians who take a literal approach to scripture. And there's dating LGBTQ+ Christians who take a more liberal approach to scripture.

Here's what isn't there....judgement. There's no inquisition. No need to defend one's existence or choices.

There's room to ask questions, find answers from all sides and chew on the heady stuff with Jesus. There's many resources for scriptural analysis for both Side A (Same Gender Marriage) and Side B (Celibacy). There's resources on how to have the conversations that are hard. Theres a community full of love and support.

What does that leave me with? Hope. Hope for reconciliation between the marginalized and the church at large. Hope for me, that I have a place to fit without feeling like a leper or having to have it all figured out. Hope for the kids that are holding back from relationship with Jesus because "Christians hate gays".

I would love to have a discussion about how to support people who are marginalized rather than how to support that my existence (as someone who is Bisexual and a Christian) is okay with God.

I've chosen to remain silent for the last year because I've not wanted to argue. I don't want to defend myself when people say "it's not who you are", "God didn't create you this way" and so many things that are meant to be encouraging but really aren't.

If you'd like to know more, I can hook you up with some resources:

The Great Debate-Side A and Side B
 Kevin Garcia, LBGTQ Speaker and Writer, Lover of Jesus
My Personal Hero, Vicky Beeching +Vicky Beeching
Believe Out Loud, and movement removing the stigma for LGBTQ+ Believers +Believe Out Loud
Matthew Vines and I are not on the same page, but here it is anyway. I take more of a Side B approach. +Matthew Vines

Feel free to share and comment. If comments are hateful, they will be deleted. Let's move forward in love and respect.

Palindrome Poem. First Attempt

What makes this a palindrome? It reads the same forwards and backwards line by line. The effect this has on the meaning and reading of each of the lines is quite remarkable. What starts out as negative and insecure becomes a positive and powerful embrace of the dissonance within myself. I love it.

They say that I’m a bit pretentious.

With my exaggerated words and lofty phrases,

I’ve been known to surprise those around me.

Precocious in etiquette

and wise beyond her years in execution.

She is my other self.

Deeply hidden, highly educated

and carefully guarded.

Behind the mask,

waiting to be discovered.

Here, I crave an intellectual romance.

I am alone.

Here, I crave an intellectual romance.

Waiting to be discovered,

behind the mask.

And carefully guarded,

deeply hidden, highly educated.

She is my other self.

And wise beyond her years in execution,

precocious in etiquette.

I’ve been known to surprise those around me.

With my exaggerated words and lofty phrases,

they say that I’m a bit pretentious.

Following God in Faith

As I was wrestling with the clear impression to move to Vancouver Island last year, God again brought to my mind and heart the story of Abram---one that He has used repeatedly to guide me.

12 The Lord had said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you. 2 “I will make you into a great nation,
    and I will bless you;
 I will make your name great,
    and you will be a blessing. 3 I will bless those who bless you,
    and whoever curses you I will curse;
and all peoples on earth
    will be blessed through you.” 4 So Abram went, as the Lord had told him; and Lot went with him. Abram was seventy-five years old when he set out from Harran. 5 He took his wife Sarai, his nephew Lot, all the possessions they had accumulated and the people they had acquired in Harran, and they set out for the land of Canaan, and they arrived there. 6 Abram traveled through the land as far as the site of the great tree of Moreh at Shechem. At that time the Canaanites were in the land. 7 The Lord appeared to Abram and said, “To your offspring I will give this land.” So he built an altar there to the Lord, who had appeared to him.

12:1—The Lord called Abram. He did not give Abram specific details. But in His command there is a promise, “to the land I will show you”. God went before Abram, had a place already in mind for Abram and His family.

God has already told me where to go, he is going before me and setting all things up according to His plan. I simply must follow in faith.

12:2-4—God followed His command with a promise. We know this promise well, it is something we learn again and again and come back to. We use it to remind ourselves of God’s faithfulness, and in Hebrews to remind us of Abraham’s faith.

God has called me, and He has given me a promise. My efforts in obedience will not be wasted. 

I was talking with a friend and I thought about walking blindly by faith. As I chewed on that thought, I realized that I never walk blindly if I am truly walking by faith. My gaze, when walking by faith, is ever on the Lord. As long as my eyes are on Him, and I am seeking His will and guidance, I am never walking blindly.

Think of driving without a map. You may not know exactly where you are, where you are going, or when you will arrive. But looking out the window, you can see ahead of you. You see the road signs, the weather, the scenery. You see the speed limits, the other travellers and around here the wildlife. You never truly drive blind. And if you do, maybe it’s time for new glasses?

12:5-7---So what then? Abram followed the Lord immediately. He took his wife, his nephew and his possession and began the journey. When the journey was not yet complete, he built and altar to the Lord and worshipped him.

I am amazed at Abram’s attitude and faith. At this point, what was Abram thankful and worshipful for?

He has just left his entire family behind, he left behind all that defined him, his livelihood, his home, his status, even his culture. He did all this at the command of God in return for a promise.

He is probably really smelly, sleeping with the animals, his wife is more than likely irritated with him for dragging her across the wilderness to the middle of nowhere. And yet, he pauses to worship and to remember God’s goodness to him.

The most common question I have been asked is “Why Vancouver Island?” and the simple answer is “Because the Lord commanded be to”. Is this answer enough? Looking at the life of Abram, the calling of the father of the nation of Israel, I would say yes, it is.

Then the question begs what does following look like?

Abram did not know the full scope of his journey. He knew the starting point, and he knew the ending point. The stops in-between departure and destination were at best vague.

I feel a little like that myself. I know that the starting point is University so far the stops in between have included Clearwater, Sexsmith, Grande Prairie, Kansas City, Missouri, Vietnam, Washington, DC, Cleveland, Ohio, McBride and many other places. I trust that the Lord is using this to refine me to the woman He needs me to be to effectively minister to the His people. And even more than that, to be willing to follow the Lord anywhere, is truly freedom indeed.

A good friend once asked me, “If Jesus pulled up beside you in a car, and offered to take you anywhere you wanted to go, what would you say?”

My initial response was “Who cares?! It’s Jesus. I would respond ‘Lord, take me to your favourite place.’”

Upon more reflection, I realized that Jesus is already taking me to his favourite place. In scripture we find Jesus with the lost, the poor, the broken and the needy. Here is that place, and the more I walk with my eyes on His, the clearer my calling becomes.

***Edited from a message I gave in 2013 regarding following God's call.

Radio Silence Renewed My Soul

I've been absent from the blog life for about a month. I needed time to focus on the Spirit and what He might be leading me into. Over the next while I will be sharing poetry and song lyrics that I've written during these past few silent weeks.

I'm hoping to start nailing down some melodies and maybe do some collaboration. If you have any ideas (concrete or abstract) about something that God has done in your life or a story of overcoming seeming impossible odds--I want to hear from you!

For your reading pleasure, a poem from July 5th.


In the shadow of the cross
are the broken and the lost
the weeping and the weary they come.

To the place where the Son
did what must be done
so they could forever know Love.

You were laid on His heart
while He hung on that tree
and cried out to His Father in pain.

Thinking of you
The King of the Jews looked up the Heavens
He breathed his last breath and died.

The enemy rejoiced
at the death of the Christ
he thought he surely had won.

The world stood still
as the grave was sealed
inside the Most Holy One.

Jesus had promised
He would return
three days later He walked from the grave.

Death was defeated
sin had been conquered
Jesus freed the enslaved.

Listen you lost
you broken and weary
this is where your story starts.

From before you were born
before your very beginning
you were on the Father's heart.

Come out of the shadow
out of the darkness
claim what has been restored.

Jesus paid the ransom
you've been set free
come and take it--it's yours.

---Cheryl Folland

Radical Faith

Radical faith, what does it look like?

Honestly, when I hear those two words I instantly think of the great heroes of the faith. Mother Theresa, William Wilberforce, John Foxe or more recently the underground believers in the Middle East and South East Asia.

I think of people who struggled to overcome great political and religious adversity. People who faced intense persecution , sometimes at the loss of who they love and maybe even their own lives. I think of people who shed their tears, bruised their bodies and bled their love to the glory of God. I think of people who devoted themselves to the service of others. People who lived in perpetual poverty physically but experienced a richness of soul that made the world take notice.

All of the people that come to mind when thinking of Radical Faith have one thing in common--they did not leave the world unchanged. Their obedience to God's specific and general call in their lives left those who encountered them changed. Some of the most radically faithful were the driving force behind the biggest social and political movements in recent history.

There's a theme rising up among my generation and the one coming after us. We desperately want to make a difference. We see the brokenness of the world we're living in and want to dive in and get our hands dirty. As one of the most generous age groups, we often donate time and money to causes that we believe will change the world for the greater good. This in itself is not radical faith, but it does reveal our heart's desire to evoke change with lasting benefit.

Recently, I've come to understand radical faith as actively obeying God without reserve. Radicalism is not passive. I can't be part of a revolutionary revival while sitting on my couch surfing Facebook. I've felt strongly for sometime that God is calling me to use my creativity and love for music and art to reach others. Do I feel inadequate--of course. Do I trust Him to work it out--yes I do, because it's His idea. Was I freaked out by the idea of changing the direction of my life --yes and I still am. Have I been blessed in that obedience--more than I could ever imagine.

I've not been rich, but I've been richly provided for. There is not a single thing that I am lacking. I will be clear, there are a lot of things that I do not have. I cannot frivolously spend on Starbucks nor eat takeout. I can't just go pick up something from the grocery store if the food in my cupboard isn't exactly what I'm craving--but I have exactly what I need! I've got generous friends, that have become my family, who love and support me. People who love Jesus and walk in step with the Spirit have affirmed God's calling in my life. We've prayed and watched Him open doors for new employment and provision of simple things. I have more than I thought I would have when I moved here in September, and I know that God has so much more in store for me.

Not all of us are called to sell everything and live among the poor, but all of us are called to love the poor. Not all of us are called to leave our homes and plant churches overseas, but all of us are called to make disciples. Not all of us are called to be sidewalk preachers, but all of us are called to bear witness. What does radical faith look like in your life?

** I'd like to add, if you would like to join my support network and help me in this journey of radical obedience http://www.gofundme.com/cherylfolland follow this link to donate and share. Every little bit helps. **

Just Try a Little Harder

One of the pinnacles of a life changed by grace is just that--grace. Yet, when someone struggles deeply with anxiety or depression grace can seem very far away indeed.

I know who I am in Christ. I know that I am a beloved Child of the King, that I am declared righteous and holy. I know that I have been bought with a price and that nothing I do or don't do can take away from my value as a person or earn my acceptance from God. I am already accepted.

I know that the Holy Spirit lives and works in me. I know that He strengthens, heals, comforts, encourages, empowers and sanctifies. I walk with my Lord in the power of the Spirit and have great victories.

I also have great struggles. I have had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Severe Generalized Anxiety my whole life. When I became a disciple of Christ, He began to free me from the bondage of fear--and I am still free from that. Yet, biologically, I am prone to the illness still. I want to talk about this because I think it's important to be in conversation about something that so many people today struggle with. Those same people are told that if they pray and trust in the Lord then they will experience freedom from those illnesses. I think we experience victory, but not always freedom.

If I had any other kind of mental/intellectual disability Autism, Down-syndrome, Dyslexia, Cognitive Delay-- I would have less of a time trying to get support from fellow believers. The methods of treatment are not chemical, and therefore are 'okay'. Now, as a person with a family history of Mental Illness, I have radically changed my approach to healing. Medically speaking, I have a chemical imbalance in an under developed brain. I was born premature and the problem solving centres of my brain are over active. This leads to over thinking and an over production of anxiety inducing chemicals. To prevent those chemicals from creating a flight or fight response over seemingly inconsequential events I have been prescribed medication that allows for the positive naturally produced relaxing chemicals to "hang out" a little longer and do their job.

Yet, I feel guilty. I feel like somehow taking medication is not trusting God to be my strength to get me through it all. I feel like I am giving up and giving into a lie --even though I would not feel this way if I had cancer and needed chemotherapy, had diabetes and needed insulin or had heart disease and needed blood pressure medication. Somehow, as a person with a radiant relationship with Christ, I have sometimes debilitating anxiety. I obsess over how I must be a disappointment to God for struggling with it as I do, then pray repentance for believing that lie, then feel guilty....rinse repeat.

I am wondering if victory in these situations is freedom. Learning that I have a broken body that is of no fault of my own, I was born with a brain that doesn't do what it is supposed to--is a victory. Truth IS freedom. The truth is who I am. The truth is, where the Spirit of the Lord is , there is freedom--freedom from shame. I am a Child of the King, redeemed, broken but made whole. The truth is , the Holy Spirit is my comforter and that sometimes our bodies need medicine to make them work right. Sometimes it's antibiotics, sometimes it's insulin, and sometimes it's neurological. The truth is, there is nothing spiritually superior about just getting by. I am tired of just getting by, just trying harder to be well, just making it to the end of each day, just pretending I am not carrying a huge load of useless fear.
 My brain needs medicine, I am going to take it, God can heal my brain if He wants to. So far He hasn't, and I wonder if it's not specifically for the reason of reaching people just like me who think they are too broken to bother coming to the cross.

I have joy. I have peace. I have security. It's like being at war within myself. Sometimes the battle is too much for me, those days I lean on Him more than ever and remind myself from the beginning what is true.


** I'd like to add, if you would like to join my support network and help me in this journey of radical obedience http://www.gofundme.com/cherylfolland follow this link to donate and share. Every little bit helps. **

Redeeming the Moment

Mother's Day is tomorrow.

For so many reasons, Mother's Day is a hard day for me. It reminds me of the distance , both physical and emotional, between me and the ones I love. It reminds me of my dear Grandmother who passed away years ago and about how hard this day is for my own Mother. I feel acute empathy for my Mom for the loss of my twin sister each birthday, milestone and Mother's Day that passes. It never gets easier--but she's brave about it and I find that heroic.

My own journey, though not the same, has been marred by the loss of a much wanted child. When I was 18, I was pregnant with a son. For reasons I will never get to understand this side of Heaven, he didn't get to stay with me. Mother's Day is a weird surreal experience where I want desperately to say " I am a Mother too " and simultaneously hide from the world. Like I said, it never gets easier.

This year, I decided to redeem the day. I signed up for a 10km race on my own, and before I knew it, a few friends signed up. We began to support one another in getting ready for the race. Now for the first time in ages I am actually looking forward to tomorrow. I still have tears just behind my eyelids. I still lean in closely to the Holy Spirit for comfort. I still will take some time to thank Jesus for giving me the gift He did, regardless of how long I was able to keep him.

If you're like me, and it's a hard day for you too, I urge you to find a way to redeem it. Celebrate the women in your life who are mothers to you. Celebrate what might make you a mother to someone else. Thank the Lord for your life--it's a pretty good one.


** I'd like to add, if you would like to join my support network and help me in this journey of radical obedience http://www.gofundme.com/cherylfolland follow this link to donate and share. Every little bit helps. **

The Final Thought--A Walk through Ephesians 4

Ephesians 4:25-32New International Version (NIV)

25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26 “In your anger do not sin”[a]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. 28 Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.

29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Well loves, here it is. This is where the rubber meets the road. Paul has been leading us up to the 'how to' of living out our new identities. He gives us practical examples of how maturing believers should act and contrasts it with  the behaviour that's associated with the old self--the one that died with Christ Romans 6:4 Ephesians 2:4-5 . 

What's the point?

It's important to note that the text does NOT say "do not be angry", rather it says "in your anger do not sin". I, myself, struggle with emotions--I like to avoid them at all costs, and being human; it's rather difficult to say the least. They can be deceptive in their intensity, but at conversion, upon receiving the indwelling of the Holy Spirit--we are given a spirit of self control. I've been guilty of quenching that spirit in my life and most times it has lead to chaos.

When faced with intense emotions, in this case anger, we have a choice to feed it, flee from it, or face it. Feeding it only compounds the issues and is sinfully self centred. The most common emotions we feed are all relational: anger, ego, pity and passion/admiration. 

Anger: Someone ticks you off--it happens. If you're like me at all, you play the situation over and over in your mind some days. Maybe you discuss it with friends and go over all the "oh I wish I would've said this" moments and "that person is such an idiot". Slowly, you begin to harbour bitterness towards that person. You begin to distance yourself from them because you no longer trust that they won't hurt you. In your words, thoughts and actions you sow the seeds of disunity within the relationship and within the body of Christ.

Ego: This is the sneakiest of emotions. I find it creeps up in my life when I begin to mock others for getting what I think they deserve as a result of their actions. I create in myself a mindset that I am somehow better than they are. Another sneaky way ego creeps in is through the puffing oneself up after an accomplishment. It's okay to celebrate successes, but sometimes we remove the significance of the moment and put others at a distance by over sharing for the ego stroke that comes with a 'good job' and can eventually be trapped in a cycle of vain arrogance.

Pity: Ever do something wrong or foolish and kick yourself for years? Ya, me neither (sarcasm). In berating ourselves and diminishing our worth, what are we saying about Christ's suffering on the Cross? Was His death as atonement for our sins not enough that we must continually beat ourselves emotionally over something that has already been paid for? How arrogant am I to underwrite the value that the God and Maker of the Universe has placed on my life!

Passion/Admiration: I'm going to camp here for a bit. As a single lady, I feel like I can lend some truth to this one. This is the hardest one and is very closely related to ego and pride. 

We like to feel good . Women, specifically, long to feel beautiful and desired. When someone pays us that kind of close attention (be it a romantic interest or not) we can choose to flee (which in some cases is right and good if you're feeling temptations of a sexual nature). Sometimes we flee just to avoid dealing with the emotions that certain words and actions bring up in us. This avoidance leaves us trapped in emotional immaturity and quenches any real relationship. It keeps people at arm's length preventing the type of deep connection that you crave in the first place.

Feeding this emotion can be very destructive. It's intoxicating to be enjoyed--to feel like someone delights in knowing you. Much like anger being fed, feeding this emotion involves a fair bit of internal dialogue. In all the over thinking, over analyzing and over compensating--where is the Holy Spirit in your conversation with yourself? In case you ever find yourself wondering if anyone delights in you--I can say with absolute certainty the one that matters the most in this life certainly does! I challenge you to do a topical Bible study of your own looking up how the Father regards His children--of which you are one. Words like precious, delight, joy, rejoicing, love, esteem, protect, adopt, sing over....pop up all over the Old and New Testaments. God delights in you!

Facing it is the only way to put off the falsehood of the fleeing and the feeding. I've found the best way to do this is to acknowledge the emotion, sate the truth of the matter (and the lies), repent asking forgiveness for believing and dwelling in falsehood--and moving on.

MOVE ON. Don't repeat the cycle by beating yourself up for learning moments. You're human, you're going to feel things and feel them deeply. And that is okay! It's part of the beautiful way that God created you. The question is, what are you going to do about it? And whom are you going to turn to? Yourself, your friends, or the Source of Truth?