Firsts and Lasts

Tomorrow is the first ever #NanaimoPrideWeek, not only is it the first week, it's the first ever public event to recognize diversity and equality in our city.

I watched a beautiful video this morning of the crosswalk being painted. Community members stood conversing and recording this historical event. The spokesperson for the Nanaimo Pride Society spoke about diversity and inclusivity. He spoke about community, support and family friendly events.

This was a far cry from the stereotype we see portrayed in the media.


I was struck with excitement and also a little fear. Would the rainbow remain untarnished from vandals and nay-sayers until the conclusion of the events on Sunday? I'm praying for love to win the day as people choose to either participate or remain silent.

This next week is not about the "gay agenda",  it's about equal rights to be as human as anyone else. I once watched a TED talk about the gay agenda. I cannot remember who was speaking, but his words stuck with me:


"What is the gay agenda? As a gay person, I would like to know. I don't wake up in the morning and have my gay coffee, my gay breakfast and drive my gay car to my gay job."

If I had to put this hypothetical agenda into words, I wouldn't suggest that LGBTQ people are trying to make everyone, everywhere, in everything queer. We're trying to make it so that people don't have to come out anymore.

Wouldn't it be great if youth stopped taking their own lives because they no longer have to choose between a half-life or a lie? Wouldn't it be great if weddings were about love and not about politics or religious legalism? (I could go on about this, but I won't, maybe another time). Wouldn't it be nice to go to the bathroom without someone checking your genitalia?

How about eating in a cafe? Wouldn't it be great to be treated like a human instead of a disease? It would be great if not every conversation was about who you do or don't sleep with, I mean do straight people get asked about their sex life (or lack there of) by any well meaning concerned citizen?

Fact is, people in civilized society are being refused medical treatment, hospitality, services, funding, protection and insurance--to name a few. Pride week isn't about making out with a pink pixie and tie dyeing your poodle--it's about saying "we exist, we're human, do something about it."

On this first Pride Week celebration, I am looking forward to the day when I can share with my loved ones "and that was the last time it was legal to hurt a person for who they love."

"That was the last time I was afraid to bring my boyfriend/girlfriend home to meet my parents."

"That was the last time the church fired their youth pastor/worship leader."

"That was the last time fear spoke louder than love."

Hot Topic : The Use of the Word Homosexual in the Bible

As you might imagine, I've been receiving many emails, messages and questions asking how I interpret the verses in scripture that condemn homosexuality.

Rather than speak from my point of view, I would like to provide readers with the same information I read and allow them to come to their own conclusions.

 I believe that we are all responsible for our own theology and faith --and it would be a great disservice to only know one way of thinking before weighing the evidence.


Our Spirit Now addresses what are widely known as "the clobber passages" among LGBTQ Christians. These are the verses in scripture that are translated in English containing the word homosexual or homosexuality.

"Where in the Bible you might find the word homosexual used incorrectly:

• The Hebrew word kedah means temple prostitute and is sometimes inaccurately translated at sodomite or homosexual.

• In 1 Corinthians, sodomite or homosexual are sometimes used, but they are incorrect translations of the Greek malakos which means something closer to effeminate or the Greek practice of pederasty, which is older men having sex with boys and is not consensual gay sex between peers.

• 1 Corinthians also refers in Greek to arsenokaitai, which appears nowhere else in the Bible or in Greek writings about homoerotic sexuality, but probably means male prostitute.

• Jude 7 sometimes refers to homosexual flesh that the Sodomites pursued.  This is an inaccurate translation of hetera sarx which means, literally, strange flesh to describe the flesh of the angels who were sent by God to evaluate Sodom and Gomorrah.

• In Timothy 1:9-10, translators sometimes use homosexual for the original Greek words, pornoi, arsenokoitai, and andrapodistai, meaning male prostitutes, males who hire male prostitutes or the slave dealers who procure them."

Taken from www.ourspiritnow.org, Friday , June 3, 2016.

For me, one of the interesting things to consider was the lack of examples of same sex sex outside of prostitution, idolatry, sexual abuse of minors or slavery. It also came as a surprise to me that the word homosexual didn't exist at the time of English translations. It was coined in 1869 by Dr. Karoly Benkert by combining the Greek term "homo" for same and the Latin "sexual". It was after his studies in the field that translations started to have the word included. 

Equip.org states:

"Theologian Mel White agrees that the Greek word arsenokoitai, used for “homosexual” in 1Corinthians 6:9, seems to refer to same-sex behavior. He argues that Greek scholars don’t know exactly what it means, however, and that this simple detail is a big part of this tragic debate.

He explains, “Some scholars believe Paul was coining a name to refer to customers of ‘the effeminate call boys.’ We might call them ‘dirty old men.’ Others translate the word as ‘sodomites,’ but never explain what that means.”

According to White, in 1958, a translator for the New Amplified Bible set historical precedent by translating this “mysterious” Greek word into English as the word “homosexuals,” even though no such word exists in either Greek or Hebrew. It was that translator, according to White, who “placed the word homosexual in the English-language Bible for the very first time.”

White blames this bad translation for the inability of many NT scholars today to make the proper, culturally relevant application of this passage in 1Corinthians. He adds, “In the past, people used Paul’s writings to oppress women and limit their role in the home, in church, and in society. Now we have to ask ourselves, ‘Is it happening again? Is a word in Greek that has no clear definition being used to reflect society’s prejudice and condemn God’s gay children?'”

Mel White is also a Christian minister and filmmaker, who describes how he reconciles his homosexuality with his Christian faith in his book Stranger at the Gate: To Be Gay and Christian in America (New York: Plume Books, 1994).

The reason I like this particular article is it shows the translation process and before concluding mentions that Paul was likely referring to Leviticus when speaking to the Corinthians. They also note that "nothing in 1Corinthians, or for that matter in any other biblical writing, speaks directly of the biological or psychological condition of homosexuality or homosexual ‘orientation’ as this is understood today and as it concerns believing Christian gay persons intent on worshipping and serving God." (Theologian John H. Elliott, Professor Emeritus of Theology and Religious Studies at the University of San Francisco.)

While Equip is not in favour of LGBTQ Christians, its researchers do understand where the argument is coming from. It's important to note that scholars are debating these issues trying to reconcile science, psychology, culture, history and theology while millions of people are navigating the tense waters in the meantime. 

gaychurch.org does a great job of presenting the inclusive argument. By focussing on the main passages Rev. Justin Cannon gives a detailed reasoning for his stance. I recommend anyone who wishes to seriously understand what inclusive affirming churches believe to read the Rev's research. 

I think it's unfair to assume that because someone professes Jesus and identifies as LGBTQ, they would automatically know all these arguments. I didn't know about the deity of Christ when I received him as saviour and Lord, I didn't know about creation, or the flood, or baptism or the Holy Spirit. All of these things I needed to study. Think carefully before engaging in debate with one another, give space and time for reflection and above all don't attack someone with your point of view (or mine for that matter) and say you're doing it in love. Love is patient, love is kind, it is not self seeking, it keeps no records of wrongs ect. (1 Corinthians 13).

Pushing People Out: A Closet Introvert

I've learned a lot about the closet I've spent my life in for the past 26-ish years. I always thought of myself as an extrovert. I have always been overtly social, the life of the party, down for anything with loads of people--until I owned who I am.

Being overtly outgoing enabled me to keep people at a distance. As long as everyone was having fun and enjoying each other, no one would ask me about me. I used to blame my family history, my rough teen years and my failed life choices as the reason for keeping others at a distance. I was completely unhappy and did an Oscar worthy performance at portraying otherwise.

The thing I was really hiding is that I was a liar. Yesterday sitting on the couch I confessed to my roommate, "I want to go out somewhere and then when I'm out, I just want to be at home on the couch." She said it was the most introverted thing she'd ever heard me say. Funny story though, I've been telling this to my heart for years. I wanted to be accepted so badly that I would spend extraordinary amounts of effort projecting the person I knew people loved. They told me so all the time.

Unfortunately, this cause all the homophobia, hatred and guilt to be turned inward. Their support of who I was pretending to be, to me, was evidence that no one would support who I really am. We lie to ourselves out of fear and blame others for those lies. I've learned in the past few months who always saw me for me--those people are still my biggest champions and I love them greatly.

There's a few people who saw what I was projecting or what they wanted to see...or hoped for me to be.  In coming out publicly as Bisexual (and a Christian), there is an awkward space where no one knows what to say--so they say nothing. There's been a lot of radio silence. I don't want to have conversations about my sexuality that come from a place of judgement and concern, but I do want to have conversations.

Tomorrow I have the honour of talking with a local pastor about how LGBTQ+ Christians are falling through the cracks. This leader of the faith wants to know how the church can support us as we come out so that we don't feel the need to leave the church. I don't know that there is a cut and dry answer for this because it all comes down to those looks and comments we get--and the ones we don't. The silence is deafening sometimes. I am still the Cheryl I was two months ago, I still like comic book movies, Bible studies, lattes and beach fires. I still love dinner parties, live music and sarcastic humour. I still love my friends--for some reason announcing my own elephant has produced an even bigger one that causes discomfort in others.

 There's also this glorious thing where I am comfortable with myself, with being alone, with being with others who love and support me and with being a work in progress. Though my friend circle seems to have tightened recently as others take a step back for their own personal comfort, I am finding a peace in my heart that wasn't there before.

It's going to take a while to clean up the damage done by years of pretending, but I'm ready for it. Freedom is a wonderful thing!

My First Hate Mail: LGBTQ+ and Christianity Part 2

I wasn't intending to write a follow up entry to the lovely post about my mom, but less than twenty four hours after I praise her for being unconditionally loving and supportive of me--someone professing to be a follower of Christ said some very rude, hurtful and shameful things. Rather than repeat those things, I would like to take this moment to turn it around for praise.

Thank you for being concerned enough about my salvation to publicly humiliate me. I forgive you. This is not sarcastic or tongue and cheek--I mean it. Rather than turn me away from the Christian faith, those hurtful words highlighted the importance of love and grace when delivering truths to one another. 

Paul said, 

"13 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing." (NIV, Biblegateway.org )

If I or my brothers and sisters in Christ cut one another down in effort to stand for truth or righteousness--we are missing the point. Jesus said :

“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29 If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. 30 Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. 31 Do to others as you would have them do to you.

32 “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. 

35 But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful." Luke 6:27-36. (NIV Biblegateway.org)

In my understanding, regardless of which side of the great debate you find yourself on, you'd do well in the sight of the Lord to me merciful, to love those who mistreat you and treat others the way you want to be treated. If you can say with all integrity you wish believers to slander you publicly and treat you with wrathful disdain if they believe you to be sinning--I will certainly pray for your view of God and of justice. 

Jesus was moved by compassion, the only harsh words he spoke were to legalistic religious leaders. Look at the woman caught in adultery, the conversation with Pilate, the tax collector, the leper who told everyone Jesus healed him when instructed not to, look how he treated Peter after his denial of Christ...compassion is the rule of the day. 

They will know we are his disciples by our love for one another--not by how loudly we oppose one another.

Radical 2.0

Just over a year ago, I came out as Bisexual to those who know and love me and then on social media. For the sake of Christian connection, I put myself back in the closet so to speak in order to avoid hard conversations, criticism, isolation and potential loss of relationship. In doing so, I became judgemental, defensive, angry and isolated. I ended up perpetrating all of the things I was afraid of happening to me to others.

Friends and family tried to reach out and be close with me. They called, texted and emailed regularly. I shut them out. I kept telling myself "they won't understand" which really meant "they won't accept me". What I was forgetting is that many of these people already love and accept me...what's more, is many of them suspected I was struggling with something that was bigger than my anxiety.

I've been a part of The Gay Christian Network for almost three years now, to learn more about them click here. At GCN, I've found people on all sides of "The Great Debate" as they call it. There's a spectrum from allies and parents of LGBTQ+ believers to married and committed same gender couples. There's opposite gender couples in mixed orientation marriages trying to make it work. There's celibate Christians who take a literal approach to scripture. And there's dating LGBTQ+ Christians who take a more liberal approach to scripture.

Here's what isn't there....judgement. There's no inquisition. No need to defend one's existence or choices.

There's room to ask questions, find answers from all sides and chew on the heady stuff with Jesus. There's many resources for scriptural analysis for both Side A (Same Gender Marriage) and Side B (Celibacy). There's resources on how to have the conversations that are hard. Theres a community full of love and support.

What does that leave me with? Hope. Hope for reconciliation between the marginalized and the church at large. Hope for me, that I have a place to fit without feeling like a leper or having to have it all figured out. Hope for the kids that are holding back from relationship with Jesus because "Christians hate gays".

I would love to have a discussion about how to support people who are marginalized rather than how to support that my existence (as someone who is Bisexual and a Christian) is okay with God.

I've chosen to remain silent for the last year because I've not wanted to argue. I don't want to defend myself when people say "it's not who you are", "God didn't create you this way" and so many things that are meant to be encouraging but really aren't.

If you'd like to know more, I can hook you up with some resources:

The Great Debate-Side A and Side B
 Kevin Garcia, LBGTQ Speaker and Writer, Lover of Jesus
My Personal Hero, Vicky Beeching +Vicky Beeching
Believe Out Loud, and movement removing the stigma for LGBTQ+ Believers +Believe Out Loud
Matthew Vines and I are not on the same page, but here it is anyway. I take more of a Side B approach. +Matthew Vines

Feel free to share and comment. If comments are hateful, they will be deleted. Let's move forward in love and respect.

Untitled Poem, written in church

In the shadow of the cross
are the broken and lost
the weeping and weary they come.

To the place where the Son
did what must be done
so they could forever know love.

You are the one laid on His heart
while hanging on that tree
He cried out to His Father in pain

Thinking of you the King of the Jews
looked up to the Heavens and sighed
He breathed His last breath and He died.

The enemy rejoiced
at the death of the Christ
he regaled his defeat with the grave

Jesus had promised He would return
from the tomb did He rise
to ransom they that were slaves

Listen you lost, you broken, you weary
that's where your story starts
from before your very beginning
you were written on the Father's heart.

Come out of the shadow
out of the darkness
come claim what's been restored.

The debt has been paid
you've been set free
come here, take it, it's yours.

Rejoice my brother, my sister, my friend
you're now the child of the King
lift up your head, your heart and your voice

Let the praises ring!

Christmas Cheer

This is a year of firsts. The first Christmas I celebrate without plenty of children around. The first Christmas I am too far from home to surprise my family with either gifts or my presence. The first Christmas completely on my own.

I feel great! Like many single adults living far from home, I often find this time of year very lonely. God has blessed me with a change of perspective...maybe it's just because 30 is the next birthday on the calendar, but I'd like to think it's Jesus shaping my heart...in any case this year I am surrounded by love. Generous people are everywhere if we are willing to swallow our pride and admit we are alone. Letting others into my life gave me plenty of invitations for Christmas Day. I went from feeling like a burden or forgotten to having the privilege of choosing which events to attend!

I'm so excited to spend this time remembering Jesus with people who share His love and they do so in practical ways. Lonely people don't really want a gift, though we appreciate them. What we really want is time. People who care to spend time with us during a season of togetherness. Who has God placed in your life that could use a little togetherness this year?

Mental Illness: Blessing or a Curse?

We've all been there. Whether you believe in Jesus Christ, karma, or positive energy--we've all had those moments. The moments where we just can't seem to get out of a rut. We do all the right things, we have supportive friends, we make positive changes, we recognize our inability to do life on our own and yet, things are still overwhelmingly out of our control.

I've talked about it a bit before, but today I want to share authentically without advice, without pretence and without any false notion that I've got all the answers. I have mental illness. I struggle daily with debilitating depression, anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder. Any one of these on their own is hard to handle, but being blessed with the trifecta is a living nightmare.

There are days I feel like a conquerer. I say "take that" to my illness's face as I do something that scares me or is difficult.  Other days, like this week (and today), I feel like the blankets on my bed are made of space titanium and I am unable to move them or my limbs to be motivated. Strangely enough, I have a lot to be thankful for. Depression and Anxiety have little to do with our haves and have nots---it's deeply connected to how we view reality.

For example, I've been praying for healing for years. Ever since I first began to know Jesus and follow Him, I've asked to have this burden lifted from my life. I've experienced some great triumphs and I've also had deep, dark, and desperate lows. I know that God can heal me, and that He wants His children to live joy filled lives that trust in Him completely. So, knowing the Bible fairly well, I cling to those promises that the answer to my healing prayer isn't "no" but "not just yet".

This is great, until like today, I pray for a friend with their own health issues and see immediate answer to prayer--not just an answer, but the one they're longing for. It is here that my OCD and Anxiety kicks into over drive. I obsess over why my prayer didn't work. Did I not have enough faith? No, that can't be it--I prayed for my friend in faith and they were healed. Does God not want to heal me of this? No , that can't be it His word speaks differently. Am I missing some lesson that He's trying to teach me? And I go on and on for days.

There is no answer. There I said it. God alone knows why, when and how He chooses to bless His children. The change in perspective for me comes in how I view my illness. Yes, it is exhausting. Yes, it is a battle. Yes, it effects my ability to lead a functional life at times. BUT...and this is a big one...it also allows me to see God show up in ways that I would miss entirely if I were healthy. I get to see Him take care of me when I cannot. I get to experience His love from strangers and friends, most of whom do not know what I am going through. I get to feel His comfort when I am feeling all alone in a group of friends. He is my source, the strength when I have none, the light in the darkness and the reason I keep breathing.

You can do it too. He's got you.

Following God in Faith

As I was wrestling with the clear impression to move to Vancouver Island last year, God again brought to my mind and heart the story of Abram---one that He has used repeatedly to guide me.

12 The Lord had said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you. 2 “I will make you into a great nation,
    and I will bless you;
 I will make your name great,
    and you will be a blessing. 3 I will bless those who bless you,
    and whoever curses you I will curse;
and all peoples on earth
    will be blessed through you.” 4 So Abram went, as the Lord had told him; and Lot went with him. Abram was seventy-five years old when he set out from Harran. 5 He took his wife Sarai, his nephew Lot, all the possessions they had accumulated and the people they had acquired in Harran, and they set out for the land of Canaan, and they arrived there. 6 Abram traveled through the land as far as the site of the great tree of Moreh at Shechem. At that time the Canaanites were in the land. 7 The Lord appeared to Abram and said, “To your offspring I will give this land.” So he built an altar there to the Lord, who had appeared to him.

12:1—The Lord called Abram. He did not give Abram specific details. But in His command there is a promise, “to the land I will show you”. God went before Abram, had a place already in mind for Abram and His family.

God has already told me where to go, he is going before me and setting all things up according to His plan. I simply must follow in faith.

12:2-4—God followed His command with a promise. We know this promise well, it is something we learn again and again and come back to. We use it to remind ourselves of God’s faithfulness, and in Hebrews to remind us of Abraham’s faith.

God has called me, and He has given me a promise. My efforts in obedience will not be wasted. 

I was talking with a friend and I thought about walking blindly by faith. As I chewed on that thought, I realized that I never walk blindly if I am truly walking by faith. My gaze, when walking by faith, is ever on the Lord. As long as my eyes are on Him, and I am seeking His will and guidance, I am never walking blindly.

Think of driving without a map. You may not know exactly where you are, where you are going, or when you will arrive. But looking out the window, you can see ahead of you. You see the road signs, the weather, the scenery. You see the speed limits, the other travellers and around here the wildlife. You never truly drive blind. And if you do, maybe it’s time for new glasses?

12:5-7---So what then? Abram followed the Lord immediately. He took his wife, his nephew and his possession and began the journey. When the journey was not yet complete, he built and altar to the Lord and worshipped him.

I am amazed at Abram’s attitude and faith. At this point, what was Abram thankful and worshipful for?

He has just left his entire family behind, he left behind all that defined him, his livelihood, his home, his status, even his culture. He did all this at the command of God in return for a promise.

He is probably really smelly, sleeping with the animals, his wife is more than likely irritated with him for dragging her across the wilderness to the middle of nowhere. And yet, he pauses to worship and to remember God’s goodness to him.

The most common question I have been asked is “Why Vancouver Island?” and the simple answer is “Because the Lord commanded be to”. Is this answer enough? Looking at the life of Abram, the calling of the father of the nation of Israel, I would say yes, it is.

Then the question begs what does following look like?

Abram did not know the full scope of his journey. He knew the starting point, and he knew the ending point. The stops in-between departure and destination were at best vague.

I feel a little like that myself. I know that the starting point is University so far the stops in between have included Clearwater, Sexsmith, Grande Prairie, Kansas City, Missouri, Vietnam, Washington, DC, Cleveland, Ohio, McBride and many other places. I trust that the Lord is using this to refine me to the woman He needs me to be to effectively minister to the His people. And even more than that, to be willing to follow the Lord anywhere, is truly freedom indeed.

A good friend once asked me, “If Jesus pulled up beside you in a car, and offered to take you anywhere you wanted to go, what would you say?”

My initial response was “Who cares?! It’s Jesus. I would respond ‘Lord, take me to your favourite place.’”

Upon more reflection, I realized that Jesus is already taking me to his favourite place. In scripture we find Jesus with the lost, the poor, the broken and the needy. Here is that place, and the more I walk with my eyes on His, the clearer my calling becomes.

***Edited from a message I gave in 2013 regarding following God's call.

Who Do You Say God Is?

Before we can trust, hope, believe or have faith that God has good in mind for us, there's a central truth that we need to grab hold of. God is who He says He is. There are not many disciples of Christ who would say that the Bible is untrue. Though they may believe on varying extents of it's accuracy, it's agreed that it has been remarkably preserved and in it we find the account of who God is. 2 Timothy 3:16 says that all scripture is breathed (inspired) my God. It's safe to say that the account of who God is, His testimony of Himself, is accurate and truthful--after God cannot lie.

A couple of years ago, I had the privilege of taking part in a course called Believing God by the lovely Beth Moore. In it she posed three essential questions every person needs to think through in relation to what we believe about God.

1) Who do people say God is?

The people around us, and public opinion influence us greatly. Who do those people think God (primarily the Father) is? The answer exists on a spectrum from non-existent to a bully with a stick. In my opinion, it takes more faith to believe that God doesn't exist and sometimes I wonder if that's why people who deny Him are so exhausted all the time. Being created in God's likeness, being God-breathed, we crave Him. To deny that craving or replace it with something else leaves us beyond dissatisfied.

2) Who do you say God is?

Only by taking an honest look at what we truly believe about who God is can we begin to see Him as He really is. We will never have a faith that exceeds the strength of the God we perceive (Beth Moore). The God that I have created in my mind is in the image of man, broken sinful man, and is not an accurate representation of God at all. An improper view of God is an idol and not God at all. I pray to this idea of God, talking at the image I've made, and then get angry when the real living God doesn't do what I think He should. I think for a long time I viewed God as a vending machine. If I put in just the right amount of piety and good deeds then the blessings that I wanted would come out.

Don't get me wrong! God delights to bless His children. These blessings always come on His terms and in His timing and are ALWAYS better than what we would be willing to settle for.

3) Who does God say that He is?

God says a lot of things about His nature and His character that reveal the heart of who He is. Primarily, He is the Maker of Heaven and Earth. Now, just soak that in for a second. Before you go "Ya, ya, I know that...He made everything", let's just think about this for a second. He made EVERYTHING. Every leaf, every pebble, every animal, every person, every star, every planet, He made it all. Every time man makes a scientific discovery, God is cheering us on going "Yea, isn't that fantastic. I was hoping you'd see it!" Why did He make everything? For His glory and enjoyment. It's easy for us to think that looking at the Heavens. The swirling galaxies and nebulae are beautiful. They show us how big God is in comparison to how small we are and help us to look at Him in awe.

We miss that He made us for that same reason. God made you because he enjoys you. Scripture says that He delights in us. What's more, He sent His Son to die that we might enjoy permanent relationship with Him. God is the Maker, the Father, the Healer and the Redeemer. He loves us more than we could ever hope to understand. Take out your Bible, or check out Biblegateway and discover who He says He is. You won't be disappointed.


**If you would like to join my support network and help me in this journey of radical obedience http://www.gofundme.com/cherylfolland follow this link to donate and share. Every little bit helps. **

You Have Heard It Said...

Reading through The Sermon on the Mount Matthew 5:21-44 specifically I noticed something in the way that Jesus addressed the crowds that spoke to my heart.

In this passage, I see Him being radically counter cultural by speaking against the old understanding of religious teaching and tradition. When He speaks the words "You have heard it said...", it's no secret to the crowd, the disciples, or the religious leaders that He is directly addressing Pharisaical teachings. The Pharisees over the years added to the Levitical and Mosaic Laws in effort to mark clearer the lines in regards to sin.

This did a few things. Mainly, it missed the point of the law at all. Which is about selfish and rebellious hearts seeking after their own desires rather than God's. The Law was never about following a set of rules, but rather about revealing the deficiency of broken and fail humanity and their need for a salvation outside of themselves.

It got me thinking about what Jesus might say if he were addressing our culture.

"You have heard it said that ...living a good and moral life, being good, will bring others to faith in Christ"

While I don't doubt that this helps draw people to a place that invites conversation, scripture is clear both in the Great Commission and in Paul's writings that we are commanded to preach the goodness, make disciples and baptize them in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. "Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God" Romans 10:12-15.

In my life, I've been convicted lately and very aware of how I speak with my mouth and what my actions might say to others. I might be the only glimpse of Jesus they ever see. If I really do take Jesus at His word that He is "the way, the truth and the life" and that all who don't know Him are truly lost in their sin--what am I going to do about it? Just be nice?

I know it's not my job to save people but it is my job to love them. How loving is it to have the cure to the deadliest ailment known to mankind and not share it?

All around me people are starving for healing, for real love and affection, for security not based on their performance--and I have the answer.

So what's preventing me? If I am really honest, two things prevent me from running into the burning buildings of people's lives--fear and apathy.

Fear of losing my job, losing friends, stepping out of my comfort zone, being laughed at. The list goes on. My example was Christ, who endured the shame of the cross so that I might be free and I am  usually unwilling to endure the scorn of words from strangers to give others that same hope. Seems a little ungrateful to me.

Apathy is tricky. We do live in this world. Lately, I've been guilty of being so caught up in my plans for the now, the temporary , that I've completely dropped the ball on Kingdom investments. Scripture says that where my heart is, there my treasure will be also. I want my heart to be in the throne room of the King. I want it to be set on things that last, things that won't end when my last breath does. That begins with remembering what my life is for.

What have you heard being said lately?


** I'd like to add, if you would like to join my support network and help me in this journey of radical obedience http://www.gofundme.com/cherylfolland follow this link to donate and share. Every little bit helps. **

Radical Faith

Radical faith, what does it look like?

Honestly, when I hear those two words I instantly think of the great heroes of the faith. Mother Theresa, William Wilberforce, John Foxe or more recently the underground believers in the Middle East and South East Asia.

I think of people who struggled to overcome great political and religious adversity. People who faced intense persecution , sometimes at the loss of who they love and maybe even their own lives. I think of people who shed their tears, bruised their bodies and bled their love to the glory of God. I think of people who devoted themselves to the service of others. People who lived in perpetual poverty physically but experienced a richness of soul that made the world take notice.

All of the people that come to mind when thinking of Radical Faith have one thing in common--they did not leave the world unchanged. Their obedience to God's specific and general call in their lives left those who encountered them changed. Some of the most radically faithful were the driving force behind the biggest social and political movements in recent history.

There's a theme rising up among my generation and the one coming after us. We desperately want to make a difference. We see the brokenness of the world we're living in and want to dive in and get our hands dirty. As one of the most generous age groups, we often donate time and money to causes that we believe will change the world for the greater good. This in itself is not radical faith, but it does reveal our heart's desire to evoke change with lasting benefit.

Recently, I've come to understand radical faith as actively obeying God without reserve. Radicalism is not passive. I can't be part of a revolutionary revival while sitting on my couch surfing Facebook. I've felt strongly for sometime that God is calling me to use my creativity and love for music and art to reach others. Do I feel inadequate--of course. Do I trust Him to work it out--yes I do, because it's His idea. Was I freaked out by the idea of changing the direction of my life --yes and I still am. Have I been blessed in that obedience--more than I could ever imagine.

I've not been rich, but I've been richly provided for. There is not a single thing that I am lacking. I will be clear, there are a lot of things that I do not have. I cannot frivolously spend on Starbucks nor eat takeout. I can't just go pick up something from the grocery store if the food in my cupboard isn't exactly what I'm craving--but I have exactly what I need! I've got generous friends, that have become my family, who love and support me. People who love Jesus and walk in step with the Spirit have affirmed God's calling in my life. We've prayed and watched Him open doors for new employment and provision of simple things. I have more than I thought I would have when I moved here in September, and I know that God has so much more in store for me.

Not all of us are called to sell everything and live among the poor, but all of us are called to love the poor. Not all of us are called to leave our homes and plant churches overseas, but all of us are called to make disciples. Not all of us are called to be sidewalk preachers, but all of us are called to bear witness. What does radical faith look like in your life?

** I'd like to add, if you would like to join my support network and help me in this journey of radical obedience http://www.gofundme.com/cherylfolland follow this link to donate and share. Every little bit helps. **

Just Try a Little Harder

One of the pinnacles of a life changed by grace is just that--grace. Yet, when someone struggles deeply with anxiety or depression grace can seem very far away indeed.

I know who I am in Christ. I know that I am a beloved Child of the King, that I am declared righteous and holy. I know that I have been bought with a price and that nothing I do or don't do can take away from my value as a person or earn my acceptance from God. I am already accepted.

I know that the Holy Spirit lives and works in me. I know that He strengthens, heals, comforts, encourages, empowers and sanctifies. I walk with my Lord in the power of the Spirit and have great victories.

I also have great struggles. I have had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Severe Generalized Anxiety my whole life. When I became a disciple of Christ, He began to free me from the bondage of fear--and I am still free from that. Yet, biologically, I am prone to the illness still. I want to talk about this because I think it's important to be in conversation about something that so many people today struggle with. Those same people are told that if they pray and trust in the Lord then they will experience freedom from those illnesses. I think we experience victory, but not always freedom.

If I had any other kind of mental/intellectual disability Autism, Down-syndrome, Dyslexia, Cognitive Delay-- I would have less of a time trying to get support from fellow believers. The methods of treatment are not chemical, and therefore are 'okay'. Now, as a person with a family history of Mental Illness, I have radically changed my approach to healing. Medically speaking, I have a chemical imbalance in an under developed brain. I was born premature and the problem solving centres of my brain are over active. This leads to over thinking and an over production of anxiety inducing chemicals. To prevent those chemicals from creating a flight or fight response over seemingly inconsequential events I have been prescribed medication that allows for the positive naturally produced relaxing chemicals to "hang out" a little longer and do their job.

Yet, I feel guilty. I feel like somehow taking medication is not trusting God to be my strength to get me through it all. I feel like I am giving up and giving into a lie --even though I would not feel this way if I had cancer and needed chemotherapy, had diabetes and needed insulin or had heart disease and needed blood pressure medication. Somehow, as a person with a radiant relationship with Christ, I have sometimes debilitating anxiety. I obsess over how I must be a disappointment to God for struggling with it as I do, then pray repentance for believing that lie, then feel guilty....rinse repeat.

I am wondering if victory in these situations is freedom. Learning that I have a broken body that is of no fault of my own, I was born with a brain that doesn't do what it is supposed to--is a victory. Truth IS freedom. The truth is who I am. The truth is, where the Spirit of the Lord is , there is freedom--freedom from shame. I am a Child of the King, redeemed, broken but made whole. The truth is , the Holy Spirit is my comforter and that sometimes our bodies need medicine to make them work right. Sometimes it's antibiotics, sometimes it's insulin, and sometimes it's neurological. The truth is, there is nothing spiritually superior about just getting by. I am tired of just getting by, just trying harder to be well, just making it to the end of each day, just pretending I am not carrying a huge load of useless fear.
 My brain needs medicine, I am going to take it, God can heal my brain if He wants to. So far He hasn't, and I wonder if it's not specifically for the reason of reaching people just like me who think they are too broken to bother coming to the cross.

I have joy. I have peace. I have security. It's like being at war within myself. Sometimes the battle is too much for me, those days I lean on Him more than ever and remind myself from the beginning what is true.


** I'd like to add, if you would like to join my support network and help me in this journey of radical obedience http://www.gofundme.com/cherylfolland follow this link to donate and share. Every little bit helps. **

Revolutionary Honesty

Yesterday, my friends and I were sitting in our Young Adults group. All of us have had a relationship with Jesus for a while. It would be true to say that we have a great understanding of the pillars of the Gospel of Christ. We would  willingly and passionately proclaim that God sees us as spotless and blameless. We can and do quote scripture verse after scripture verse giving evidence to our sins being paid for in full. We know and teach that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ (Romans 8:1-2 ) and yet here's a picture of what happened last night.

"When you've failed and given into temptation and you're in the midst of the sin (pornography, sex, drugs, gossip, slander, dishonesty, vulgarity ect) what does God see when He looks at you?"

Our answer, even though we memorized the truth, collectively was silence. Not a single one of us, when caught in the middle of sin, actually believe that God sees us a precious, spotless, perfect and holy. NOT ONE. Why?

Simple answer--shame. We feel shame and assume that we are judged. We believe, in fear, that God somehow sees us as unlovable now.

This week God gave me a word. It's too good to keep to myself. You see, I've painted him with a brush that still has old paint in it. I've stained my relationship with God by measuring His love for me through the way I've been loved (or not loved) by others. Here's what God said to me , and says to you:

"Child, I am not them. I will not let you down. I will not hurt you or be malicious to you. I will love you in the deep places of your heart if you will just let me in." --The Father.

In that moment, God spoke to all of my underlying insecurities. When others let me down, I blamed God. When other people hurt me, I blamed God. When people were malicious, I assumed that some how God didn't love me enough to stop them from their assaults. I built walls and rules to keep the would be assailants out, and in doing so kept God's love far from my heart. 

And you know what? I am exhausted. I am lonely. I am ready for change.

Recently, a passage of scripture in particular is in the forefront of my mind.

Mark 9:20-24New International Version (NIV)

20 So they brought him. When the spirit saw Jesus, it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion. He fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth.

21 Jesus asked the boy’s father, “How long has he been like this?”

“From childhood,” he answered. 22 “It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”

23 “‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.”

24 Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

That's me right there! "I do believe" but at the same time "I sort of don't". What's the response??? "Lord, help me in my unbelief!" This man, and myself, WANT to believe God is who He says He is and that He will do what He says He will do. All we need is to believe. It really is that simple. I believe that God is helping my in my unbelief by giving me chances to practice trusting Him regardless of the outcome. I am noticing a shift in the way I perceive unwelcome events in my life. Before, I felt picked on, I felt like a victim that no one really cared about. Now, I can see God polishing off the rough edges and looking out for my best interests. 

Everyday I admit to Jesus "I believe, help my unbelief" and He takes me by the hand and  helps me forward.

** I'd like to add, if you would like to join my support network and help me in this journey of radical obedience http://www.gofundme.com/cherylfolland follow this link to donate and share. Every little bit helps. **