Important Reminder! We've Moved!

Just a reminder to those who haven't migrated over to the new page yet. Due to traffic and the desire for a more professional layout, this website has moved to www.cherylfolland.wordpress.com

Jump over there to see all the latest posts by myself and people who write in. Fan Friday is coming up, and I need your questions to answer!

~ Cheryl

Fan Friday: Roommate Edition

I am pretty sure that aside from my mother, my roommate Megs is my biggest fan. So, with all that honour that her postition deserves, I’ve offered her the first question.

I thought that she would ask something fluffy, funny or hypothetical, instead, in true Megan style, she asked me one of the most important questions of my life:

“When did you know that you wanted to be a writer?”

Too see the full article click here.

This Blog Is MOVING!!

Hey there friends and followers!

Just a heads up, I'm moving over to a new platform soon. Working on it right now. It will be found here, once it's ready.

Love,

Cheryl Folland

Firsts and Lasts

Tomorrow is the first ever #NanaimoPrideWeek, not only is it the first week, it's the first ever public event to recognize diversity and equality in our city.

I watched a beautiful video this morning of the crosswalk being painted. Community members stood conversing and recording this historical event. The spokesperson for the Nanaimo Pride Society spoke about diversity and inclusivity. He spoke about community, support and family friendly events.

This was a far cry from the stereotype we see portrayed in the media.


I was struck with excitement and also a little fear. Would the rainbow remain untarnished from vandals and nay-sayers until the conclusion of the events on Sunday? I'm praying for love to win the day as people choose to either participate or remain silent.

This next week is not about the "gay agenda",  it's about equal rights to be as human as anyone else. I once watched a TED talk about the gay agenda. I cannot remember who was speaking, but his words stuck with me:


"What is the gay agenda? As a gay person, I would like to know. I don't wake up in the morning and have my gay coffee, my gay breakfast and drive my gay car to my gay job."

If I had to put this hypothetical agenda into words, I wouldn't suggest that LGBTQ people are trying to make everyone, everywhere, in everything queer. We're trying to make it so that people don't have to come out anymore.

Wouldn't it be great if youth stopped taking their own lives because they no longer have to choose between a half-life or a lie? Wouldn't it be great if weddings were about love and not about politics or religious legalism? (I could go on about this, but I won't, maybe another time). Wouldn't it be nice to go to the bathroom without someone checking your genitalia?

How about eating in a cafe? Wouldn't it be great to be treated like a human instead of a disease? It would be great if not every conversation was about who you do or don't sleep with, I mean do straight people get asked about their sex life (or lack there of) by any well meaning concerned citizen?

Fact is, people in civilized society are being refused medical treatment, hospitality, services, funding, protection and insurance--to name a few. Pride week isn't about making out with a pink pixie and tie dyeing your poodle--it's about saying "we exist, we're human, do something about it."

On this first Pride Week celebration, I am looking forward to the day when I can share with my loved ones "and that was the last time it was legal to hurt a person for who they love."

"That was the last time I was afraid to bring my boyfriend/girlfriend home to meet my parents."

"That was the last time the church fired their youth pastor/worship leader."

"That was the last time fear spoke louder than love."

Hot Topic : The Use of the Word Homosexual in the Bible

As you might imagine, I've been receiving many emails, messages and questions asking how I interpret the verses in scripture that condemn homosexuality.

Rather than speak from my point of view, I would like to provide readers with the same information I read and allow them to come to their own conclusions.

 I believe that we are all responsible for our own theology and faith --and it would be a great disservice to only know one way of thinking before weighing the evidence.


Our Spirit Now addresses what are widely known as "the clobber passages" among LGBTQ Christians. These are the verses in scripture that are translated in English containing the word homosexual or homosexuality.

"Where in the Bible you might find the word homosexual used incorrectly:

• The Hebrew word kedah means temple prostitute and is sometimes inaccurately translated at sodomite or homosexual.

• In 1 Corinthians, sodomite or homosexual are sometimes used, but they are incorrect translations of the Greek malakos which means something closer to effeminate or the Greek practice of pederasty, which is older men having sex with boys and is not consensual gay sex between peers.

• 1 Corinthians also refers in Greek to arsenokaitai, which appears nowhere else in the Bible or in Greek writings about homoerotic sexuality, but probably means male prostitute.

• Jude 7 sometimes refers to homosexual flesh that the Sodomites pursued.  This is an inaccurate translation of hetera sarx which means, literally, strange flesh to describe the flesh of the angels who were sent by God to evaluate Sodom and Gomorrah.

• In Timothy 1:9-10, translators sometimes use homosexual for the original Greek words, pornoi, arsenokoitai, and andrapodistai, meaning male prostitutes, males who hire male prostitutes or the slave dealers who procure them."

Taken from www.ourspiritnow.org, Friday , June 3, 2016.

For me, one of the interesting things to consider was the lack of examples of same sex sex outside of prostitution, idolatry, sexual abuse of minors or slavery. It also came as a surprise to me that the word homosexual didn't exist at the time of English translations. It was coined in 1869 by Dr. Karoly Benkert by combining the Greek term "homo" for same and the Latin "sexual". It was after his studies in the field that translations started to have the word included. 

Equip.org states:

"Theologian Mel White agrees that the Greek word arsenokoitai, used for “homosexual” in 1Corinthians 6:9, seems to refer to same-sex behavior. He argues that Greek scholars don’t know exactly what it means, however, and that this simple detail is a big part of this tragic debate.

He explains, “Some scholars believe Paul was coining a name to refer to customers of ‘the effeminate call boys.’ We might call them ‘dirty old men.’ Others translate the word as ‘sodomites,’ but never explain what that means.”

According to White, in 1958, a translator for the New Amplified Bible set historical precedent by translating this “mysterious” Greek word into English as the word “homosexuals,” even though no such word exists in either Greek or Hebrew. It was that translator, according to White, who “placed the word homosexual in the English-language Bible for the very first time.”

White blames this bad translation for the inability of many NT scholars today to make the proper, culturally relevant application of this passage in 1Corinthians. He adds, “In the past, people used Paul’s writings to oppress women and limit their role in the home, in church, and in society. Now we have to ask ourselves, ‘Is it happening again? Is a word in Greek that has no clear definition being used to reflect society’s prejudice and condemn God’s gay children?'”

Mel White is also a Christian minister and filmmaker, who describes how he reconciles his homosexuality with his Christian faith in his book Stranger at the Gate: To Be Gay and Christian in America (New York: Plume Books, 1994).

The reason I like this particular article is it shows the translation process and before concluding mentions that Paul was likely referring to Leviticus when speaking to the Corinthians. They also note that "nothing in 1Corinthians, or for that matter in any other biblical writing, speaks directly of the biological or psychological condition of homosexuality or homosexual ‘orientation’ as this is understood today and as it concerns believing Christian gay persons intent on worshipping and serving God." (Theologian John H. Elliott, Professor Emeritus of Theology and Religious Studies at the University of San Francisco.)

While Equip is not in favour of LGBTQ Christians, its researchers do understand where the argument is coming from. It's important to note that scholars are debating these issues trying to reconcile science, psychology, culture, history and theology while millions of people are navigating the tense waters in the meantime. 

gaychurch.org does a great job of presenting the inclusive argument. By focussing on the main passages Rev. Justin Cannon gives a detailed reasoning for his stance. I recommend anyone who wishes to seriously understand what inclusive affirming churches believe to read the Rev's research. 

I think it's unfair to assume that because someone professes Jesus and identifies as LGBTQ, they would automatically know all these arguments. I didn't know about the deity of Christ when I received him as saviour and Lord, I didn't know about creation, or the flood, or baptism or the Holy Spirit. All of these things I needed to study. Think carefully before engaging in debate with one another, give space and time for reflection and above all don't attack someone with your point of view (or mine for that matter) and say you're doing it in love. Love is patient, love is kind, it is not self seeking, it keeps no records of wrongs ect. (1 Corinthians 13).

It's Pride Month: The Need for Rainbow Spam

As you've probably noticed, your newsfeed is filling up with Pride flags, coming out stories, controversial bathroom hate crimes and cheeky memes about being a unicorn. 

As an ally, or impartial person --you know one who considers themselves tolerant but doesn't like to take sides--you're likely to be annoyed or even grow numb to the sentiment behind these posts.

The fact that Pride Month Celebrations can be annoying is the reason we need them.

If it were Hunger Awareness, Cancer Awareness, Autism Awareness, Heritage Month, or any other issue not pertaining to sexuality--would the reaction be the same?


I've been speaking out actively to those close to me why it's important for me, as a Christian, to be involved in this year's Pride activities. My city is having it's first Pride Festival and when I mentioned that it would be from a Wednesday to a Sunday--the audible eye roll went around the table like the wave at a football game.

In that moment I felt small, I felt foolish and I felt dirty. This is why we need Pride Month. 

Pride isn't about promiscuity, it isn't about sexualization, it isn't about getting drunk and having a techno dance party in the street in our underwear --it's about acceptance, love and integrity. In a culture where someone can get the audible eye roll for attending an event that celebrates and encourages marginalized people (which by the way--Jesus spent 95% of his ministry with marginalized people)--this month is important.

Instead of getting annoyed, why not engage. First, ask yourself why you're uncomfortable. Annoyance is just the polite version of anger. Why are you angry that people are fighting for acceptance? 

Second, engage with your friends. Ask your friend why that post is so important for them. Explain that you want to understand the importance but that you're having a tough time. Hear some firsthand stories about how LGBTQ people are dehumanized daily and why it needs to stop regardless of personal or religious convictions. 



Above all listen to your mom: if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Loneliness--Or as I like to call it, Black Hole of Doom

Talking with my fellow LGBT Christians, a real honest question that effects every person regardless of orientation, race, economical status or religion came up. How do you deal with loneliness. My first thought was my previous post about singleness you can read here.

Then my second thought was "I punch it in the face". My tongue and cheek response received a few likes and comments on our Facebook page, but I sat back and chewed on it for a bit. How DO I deal with loneliness?

In my experience, I deal with it in one of two ways: horrible indulgence or optimistic resilience. There is no in-between. When I'm feeling lonely, alone, unwanted, invisible, awkward, prickly, forgotten...ect...I either disappear into Netflix and Youtube binges whilst devouring whatever salty carbohydrates fried cheese covered creation I can manage or I get out of my own way and have fun.

Loneliness is less about being alone and more about being discontent with whom you're with/without. Think about it. I imagine at some point in your life , think a new situation/high school/or meeting someone's life long friends--you have likely felt lonely in a crowd. You weren't alone...but you felt alone. Surrounded by others and their happiness and memories, you felt like an outsider and were lonesome.

Then there's those times when you are alone and feel lonely. We dislike being alone with ourselves. Self talk and silent lies are the most oppressive when there is no one fun and exciting around to distract us from all the ways we've disappointed ourselves. We begin to ask questions that have no answers outside of timing. Why are all my friends getting married? (If this were true, you would have no engagements popping up in your newsfeed next year...it's likely an exaggeration.)

Which leads to: why am I single? Why haven't I received that promotion? How come I wasn't invited? Why don't I have any texts....so on and so on.

STOP.

Get up.

DO SOMETHING.

The best cure for the loneliness of self loathing is to go out and enjoy something other than the prison of your thoughts. Go to a park and take the best Instagram photo of clouds ever offered to mankind.

Take yourself on a date to a new vegan fusion cafe you've been dying to try and snapchat the world how jealous they should be of you.

Sign up for a new class, cooking, dancing, painting, gardening...you won't meet new people on your couch.

Lastly, write that friend that you miss. Not a text. Not a Facebook message, send them a long email or a long letter telling them about everything and nothing that you miss about them. Talk about the toast you made and how unfortunately seedy the bread was. DO something.

You can thank me later.

Casualties of Authenticity

When I counted the cost of coming out, I was rather naive thinking that reactions from my loved ones would be black and white. Though I am the same person to myself, I am not the same person to those around me.

Keeping so much of myself hidden, my questions, concerns and deepest struggles--I kept others out and need to allow them the space and the time to find their new normal in this journey.

It's easy to point the finger at others. To get upset for a lack of empathy and understanding. It's easy to  expect immediate acceptance or immediate abandonment-what I wasn't ready for was the awkward tense moments.

I wasn't ready for feeling like it's inappropriate to discuss my plans for the summer as I will be taking part in the city's Pride festival as a volunteer, attending a Gay Christian Retreat on the mainland and most likely heading to Pride in Vancouver to meet up with some friends.

I wasn't ready to feel uncomfortable about asking my straight Christian friends to come with me to some of these things because I'm nervous about going alone, and I certainly wasn't ready to feel childish for asking my LGBT friends who don't profess Jesus if they're going.

Before coming out, I knew that the social norms were. I knew what was expected of me--even though I felt caged and like I was a double agent for the losing team. Now it's a whole new ball game. I don't know when I am being "too much", I don't know if there is a "too much" and I certainly don't want to go around pushing people out of my life by throwing myself in their faces.

What I want is genuine space to figure all of this out. I've been spending a lot of time reading, reflecting and just on my own. I'm missing connection. I feel ready to get back out in the social scene but I am completely unsure where I fit.

Sincerely,

An LGBT Christian.

Rediscovering Joy: Getting to Know Me Again

You may have been wondering where I've been for the past week. After steady blog posts, more than a week of quiet makes readers wonder if you've lost your drive. I'm here to say it's quite the opposite.

I took a step back and had some time to reflect on recent events. I've had sit downs with friends, family and strangers on all points of the spectrum as it relates to faith and sexuality. For the most part I am greatly encouraged.

For a long time, I haven't been doing the things that bring me joy. All of my actions over the past while have been what's expected of me in public and I hid the real me behind closed doors. I'm not just talking about gender identity and sexuality.

We cannot choose which parts of our true selves we shut off. It's like a light switch, it's either on or it's off. I was deeply depressed because I lost joy in the things that made me who I am. I had quit music, I had quit reading for pleasure, I had quit writing (outside of schoolwork) and I had quit being outside. I was hiding. I was scared.

This week I did a few things that I haven't done in a long time. I read a 600 page novel in under two days, I went on a couple outdoor outings by myself, I restyled my hair in a crazy way and I spent an entire day in my pyjamas. I am actively rediscovering who I was before I started hiding.

Most importantly, I am doing it with Jesus every step of the way. God is reintroducing me to the intricate, fun and beautiful ways that he's made me--and it's giving me appreciation for those around me.

I used to feel contempt and annoyance for people who were freely themselves when really I was just jealous that they didn't seem to be afraid. I thought them naive when really I was just scared. Not everyone is will support and endorse everything we become, but you have to be your own biggest fan--can you live with the person you're becoming--or like me do you need to pause and re-introduce yourself.

Something I Learned from a Chihuahua

Earlier this week, I had a lovely walk down on the water front with a good friend of mine. She has the most ferocious beast of a dog....a tiny chihuahua that wouldn't choke a bear in a fight.

As we were walking around, I noticed that this little ankle biter has a fondness for children but a great hatred and fear towards her own kind. She has little dog syndrome. Every single time we walked past another dog on a leash, she would growl, snarl and bark. Because she weighs less than 4lbs, she lifted herself right off the ground as I held the leash unphased by her atrocious behaviour.

Other dog owners smiled and laughed. We joked with them and made fun of her behaviour, but I couldn't help to recognize myself in what she was doing.

How many times have I lashed out at others when motivated by fear? I prejudge people more often than I would like to admit. Lately, I've been so defensive that any hint of feeling threatened leads me to bark at others--rendering relationship impossible.

In the last few weeks my inbox, Twitter, Facebook and cell phone have been full of inquiries about things I'm posting on this blog, people I'm meeting with during the week, interviews and resources. It is so unfair of me to be defensive simply because I feel small and vulnerable, because the semantics of the question seems loaded or because of an uncomfortable experience earlier that day.

Just like that little dog, I could be missing out on some great friends simply because I tend to push first and relax later. I wonder what would happen if I stopped being afraid to be wounded and just focussed on loving other people?

Thoughts?

5 Things I Learned from Discussing Sexuality with a Pastor

Today I did something that I was afraid to do. I talked with a local pastor about LGBTQ people and their relationship with the church. I was scared before I went, even though I know this person and knew the content of the conversation, that it was going to be about trying to convince one another of opposing views. Here's what I learned:

1) Bridging is bumpy.

One of the most helpful things we did for one another at the start of the discussion is define our terms and our lack of exhaustive knowledge on the material we were about to discuss. We laughed a bunch and admitted that it felt weird to talk this openly about being "not straight" (as I put it) and loving Jesus.

2) Something's got to change.

The reason for today's conversation was the recognition that when people come out as LGBTQ they feel, for one reason or another, they need to leave the church. LGBTQ Christians feel like they have to choose between fellowship with people who love Jesus and worshipping/serving together and their sexual orientation. We both recognize that conversations need to be had at an open table. This table needs to have listening ears on both sides--not to convince each other about theological ideologies but to listen to one another with empathy and understanding. There will be an "us" and "them" as long as we talk past one another.

3) People are hungry.

Pastors and lay workers within the church (read many churches, not one specific church) are meeting outside of Sunday services with LGBTQ community members to learn how to engage with people and begin ministering out of a place of love. What's being discovered is the amount of people who were raised in church, attended youth group, and even went to Bible College who identify as other than straight and left the church. They desire greatly to worship alongside other believers without being seen solely for whom they love. They want to be seen as God's children walking out faith.

4) We don't agree on every sin.

In the course of our conversation, we discussed whether or not conservative and mainstream Christian churches would be able to understand that LGBTQ Christians do not believe that their orientation is sin. We talked about how wide the spectrum is within the LGBTQ community--where some hold to traditional male/female marriage teachings opting for celibacy as the way to honour God with a same gender orientation and others hold to same-gender long term committed marriage. Similarly, Christians don't all agree on alcohol consumption, secular movies and entertainment, swearing and modesty.

5) One important question remained.

How can we remove the stigma, isolation and fear for those who come out in faith communities?

There's a few ways to do this. All of them take a long time.

First, sexuality regardless of straight or LGBTQ needs to be discussed in the context of church teaching. How can we expect a conversation round sexual orientation and inclusion if we can't even discuss sex in the context of marriage? It is astounding the amount of young adult Christians who didn't know how their body worked...or why it worked that way when I was at Bible College--because it was dirty and taboo.

Second, we need to create a culture where someone disclosing sexual orientation, sexual confusion or gender related questions is met with compassion and not solutions. Thank them for sharing with you. Admit that it must have been scary and difficult to talk about. Let them know that your love for them has not and will not change. Maybe consider waiting until later to discuss they why and how they know or are questioning. First just hold them and tell them it will be okay.

Third, how can the church make space for LGBTQ people and families to participate in church? We discussed the various reformations in church culture: women in ministry, divorced leaders, children outside of marriage--and how the church has embraced and including those once marginalized groups (some better than others). In light of those revelations of grace, how can the same attitudes be applied to the LGBTQ people in our communities.

What about you? Did you feel at one time or another like you had to choose between living authentically and being accepted? How can we walk with you?

Pushing People Out: A Closet Introvert

I've learned a lot about the closet I've spent my life in for the past 26-ish years. I always thought of myself as an extrovert. I have always been overtly social, the life of the party, down for anything with loads of people--until I owned who I am.

Being overtly outgoing enabled me to keep people at a distance. As long as everyone was having fun and enjoying each other, no one would ask me about me. I used to blame my family history, my rough teen years and my failed life choices as the reason for keeping others at a distance. I was completely unhappy and did an Oscar worthy performance at portraying otherwise.

The thing I was really hiding is that I was a liar. Yesterday sitting on the couch I confessed to my roommate, "I want to go out somewhere and then when I'm out, I just want to be at home on the couch." She said it was the most introverted thing she'd ever heard me say. Funny story though, I've been telling this to my heart for years. I wanted to be accepted so badly that I would spend extraordinary amounts of effort projecting the person I knew people loved. They told me so all the time.

Unfortunately, this cause all the homophobia, hatred and guilt to be turned inward. Their support of who I was pretending to be, to me, was evidence that no one would support who I really am. We lie to ourselves out of fear and blame others for those lies. I've learned in the past few months who always saw me for me--those people are still my biggest champions and I love them greatly.

There's a few people who saw what I was projecting or what they wanted to see...or hoped for me to be.  In coming out publicly as Bisexual (and a Christian), there is an awkward space where no one knows what to say--so they say nothing. There's been a lot of radio silence. I don't want to have conversations about my sexuality that come from a place of judgement and concern, but I do want to have conversations.

Tomorrow I have the honour of talking with a local pastor about how LGBTQ+ Christians are falling through the cracks. This leader of the faith wants to know how the church can support us as we come out so that we don't feel the need to leave the church. I don't know that there is a cut and dry answer for this because it all comes down to those looks and comments we get--and the ones we don't. The silence is deafening sometimes. I am still the Cheryl I was two months ago, I still like comic book movies, Bible studies, lattes and beach fires. I still love dinner parties, live music and sarcastic humour. I still love my friends--for some reason announcing my own elephant has produced an even bigger one that causes discomfort in others.

 There's also this glorious thing where I am comfortable with myself, with being alone, with being with others who love and support me and with being a work in progress. Though my friend circle seems to have tightened recently as others take a step back for their own personal comfort, I am finding a peace in my heart that wasn't there before.

It's going to take a while to clean up the damage done by years of pretending, but I'm ready for it. Freedom is a wonderful thing!

Do You Regret Coming Out?

In light of the recent headlines with Colton Haynes officially coming out, I've had many people ask me if I regret it at all in my own journey.

What I can say is that I entirely echo Colton's words that "acting 24 hours a day is exhausting". What I regret is the time I spent living in fear of being discovered, disowned and discarded. What I've found is that most people in my life are embracing me and even celebrating my courage.

I've yet to meet a member of the LGBTQ community that regrets coming out. Regret is far often more attached to HOW it happened than being out in the open. Not everyone is as lucky as me. They don't get to choose when and how they come out. Countless youth are outed by peers or parents far before they're ready for different reasons. Many are outed within the faith community when coming out to someone in trust and "did you hear about?" becomes a "prayer request."

Being out to friends and family and being out to the public are also different things--which Colton touches on in his article linked above.

For me, it's deep and personal. I needed to come to terms with myself and grieve the ways I had acted and hurt myself and others while hiding from the truth. I needed to face the friends that I had shoved out of my life and force myself to ask hard questions.

I needed to choose what was more important to me--what I know about myself or what others expected of a Christian. Talking with my mom, we both laughed at the idea that I ever tried to NOT be bisexual. The first person I was ever in love with was my next door neighbour Melissa.


We were about 8-ish and spent every waking moment of the summer together. It was the kind of puppy love that parents encourage between a boy and a girl as "cute" and "normal"--but it wasn't until I was a grown up looking back that I saw it for what it was.

Praise the Lord my mother never shamed me for that relationship or a few I had in my teens. In our family, who you love had more to do with how they treat you and others than their gender, race or religion.



Write in the comments what you think the etiquette is behind outing someone else.

The thing I can't live without.

Is there something in your life that you can't live without?

I posted a short video about my need for authenticity on my YouTube Channel today. It got me thinking that authenticity is a tricky creature and yet I cannot live without it.

In order to fully embrace myself I have to be willing to fully embrace others--even if that means that they might not see their behaviour as damaging to others.

I was talking with my mom today, something that's happening more and more as I embrace how I was made, and I said, "So many hurtful things happen to people with love as the motivation." As much as I see bigotry and hatred cited as the reason for injury towards LGBT people (myself included), those who are close to me are motivated out of love for me.

In their sight, through standing by their convictions, they are displaying love for me by trying to step in and stop me from going a direction they don't agree with. Though it hurts, I can see where it comes from, and I am thankful that there are people who care enough about me and my well being to risk relationship.

The issue I have is the methodology.

Ever feel like you're the last one to know something really important?

Ever feel like your life has become a series of question and answer periods when all you'd like is to have a cup of tea and watch a movie with some friends?

Me too.

When your friend comes out to you, whether you are Christian or not, whether you agree with them or not, it's their journey. Let them share with you at their speed. You might have a lot of questions, and that's great! It shows that you care. Consider how many others in their life also have that many questions and how many times they are asked them in a day. Every conversation becomes about this one part of their life--and they need space to process the new normal.

You didn't become best friends understanding one another over night, and you won't understand them through this new lens right away either.

Give it time. Let it breathe and be there for them how they need you.

Fort McMurray Fire--Greatest Fire in Alberta, How YOU can help

I think it's important to do whatever we can to help people in the face of great loss. I don't have money but I have a voice and a platform for great reach.

Many of you outside of Canada are likely unaware of a terrible wildfire destroying a City in Canada's Northern Alberta. As of this morning over 1600 homes have been destroyed and many businesses. Firefighters from all over Canada are being sent to deal with the blaze and what's left behind. The entire city has been evacuated and is now displaced--sleeping in oil camps, their cars, shelters and some are luck as Canadians are opening their homes and businesses to house singles, families, pets and livestock in this crazy time.

What can you do? I've compiled a few links of possible solutions, most importantly the Red Cross is looking for donations to help with the relief efforts , you can find that informations here: Red Cross Looking For Fire Relief Donations

The Edmonton Journal has information on how to help Here

Global News has information for how to help Here

If you are able to house someone or their animals or are looking for assistance, there is an Open Source Fort McMurray Assistance Page on Facebook, Click Here to access that.

Please like and share this post as much as possible to get word out for how to best send help. Thoughts and prayers with all those effected. Stay safe.

My First Hate Mail: LGBTQ+ and Christianity Part 2

I wasn't intending to write a follow up entry to the lovely post about my mom, but less than twenty four hours after I praise her for being unconditionally loving and supportive of me--someone professing to be a follower of Christ said some very rude, hurtful and shameful things. Rather than repeat those things, I would like to take this moment to turn it around for praise.

Thank you for being concerned enough about my salvation to publicly humiliate me. I forgive you. This is not sarcastic or tongue and cheek--I mean it. Rather than turn me away from the Christian faith, those hurtful words highlighted the importance of love and grace when delivering truths to one another. 

Paul said, 

"13 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing." (NIV, Biblegateway.org )

If I or my brothers and sisters in Christ cut one another down in effort to stand for truth or righteousness--we are missing the point. Jesus said :

“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29 If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. 30 Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. 31 Do to others as you would have them do to you.

32 “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. 

35 But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful." Luke 6:27-36. (NIV Biblegateway.org)

In my understanding, regardless of which side of the great debate you find yourself on, you'd do well in the sight of the Lord to me merciful, to love those who mistreat you and treat others the way you want to be treated. If you can say with all integrity you wish believers to slander you publicly and treat you with wrathful disdain if they believe you to be sinning--I will certainly pray for your view of God and of justice. 

Jesus was moved by compassion, the only harsh words he spoke were to legalistic religious leaders. Look at the woman caught in adultery, the conversation with Pilate, the tax collector, the leper who told everyone Jesus healed him when instructed not to, look how he treated Peter after his denial of Christ...compassion is the rule of the day. 

They will know we are his disciples by our love for one another--not by how loudly we oppose one another.

A Mother's Love: LGBTQ and Christianity

Well, it's been a bit of a sandstorm lately in my life. For the past few weeks, regardless of the direction I was walking in, I could only see six inches in any direction. Taking each second, each moment at a time and thank God for the love in my life.

I've been contemplating on unconditional love and if humans are even truly capable of it. I mean, if I am being honest, I withhold my love from others all the time because I don't agree with them, because they made me upset, or even just because I don't know how to relate --so I retreat. As I've been confessing this messy style of relating to Abba Father, I've noticed that these behaviours are the exact ones I am most hurt by from others.

This week, in the middle of a depressive episode directly related to sexuality, identity, theology and acceptance--my mom was rushed to the emergency room for surgery (spoiler alert, she's fine). In the middle of the chaos, I was afraid to reach out to others. I did reach out to a few close people, and to my prayer chain in my church, but I paused because I didn't want to invite people into only one portion of my life. I feel like to know me, one must know all of me and to accept me--the same is true. Perhaps I'm wrong?

Acceptance isn't support. In order to accept someone who has a different theology than you, you don't need to endorse their belief system...nor do you need to try and convert them to yours. I believe that the same Holy Spirit that is alive and active in me convincing me of the truth of God's word, the person of Jesus and His love for mankind is capable and willing to do that in the lives of all His children. I do not believe that it is my job to change people's theology--before you ask "Well, what about iron sharpening iron and all that?" hear me out with a less contentious illustration,

Many Christians believe that Abortion is not God's plan right? (They have varying levels of passion on this belief but many would say they are against it in most circumstances.) Yet, many Christians...many many Christians take oral contraceptives (birth control) which in it's nature is abortive. It prevents the fertilized egg from attaching to the uterine wall. (If you know of one that prevents the egg from being fertilized please post it in the comments below.) I am personally against oral/chemical contraceptives for this reason---do I inform each believer whom practices different than me that they are murdering unborn children? No I do not because that is not where their heart is. We have a different understanding of the issue and grace and love cover the differences.

I believe that the LGBTQ Christians fall into a similar group. There's a difference between sexuality and sexual behaviour. For example as a bisexual person, I do not go out and have promiscuous encounters with people of the same gender...heavens, I don't even hold hands with people. I still believe that sex before marriage is sin, I still believe that lusting after another is sin, I still believe in the Side B stance of celibacy or traditional marriage--but I refuse to ostracize those people of faith who believe differently than I do.

In this journey, my mother has been my biggest supporter. She's asked me questions that got me thinking like: "Why does it matter to other people so much who you love?" and "Why does it matter to you so much to stay in an environment like that?" I think it's love for one another that causes us to sometimes do and say some very hurtful things. Out of love and concern for each other's spiritual wellbeing we exhort, admonish and preach one another right out of fellowship. At some point, there needs to be an "agree to disagree" moment. Yes, I realize this means that some places of faith will not allow leadership roles to LGBTQ believers, that is their right. They are standing by their principles and I applaud that. How can we extend love to the out and closeted LGBTQ people in our churches? Whom by the preaching and teaching of the church feel like their existence itself is sin (even when they are not practising sexual behaviour) feel unable to be connected to a faith community.

There's a great exodus taking place as 49% of young people (read on a BuzzFeed survey recently) identify as LGBTQ+ do not find a place for themselves within contemporary church. When is enough enough? When is love more important that religious rules? When can we accept God's role in changing people and love them where they are at? My mom does a great job of it.

Be Kind to Yourself--Negative Self-talk and PTSD

"Be kind to yourself" were the words the counsellor said to me after about an hour of talking to her. I had spent the past week or so in bed for the most part. I slept through life because my heart was hurting and so did my body.

I have been treated for anxiety and depression since I was a young teenager. I received my first prescription for anti-depressants at age 14. At that age, I was too young and frightened to be honest about where those feelings were coming from. Knowing that my mother suffered from mental health issues, the doctor at the time diagnosed me with hereditary depression and began treating me as such.

Later on, when I was in my early 20s, I knew there was more to it. I had developed irrational fears, hyper sensitivity to normal situations and severe social anxiety. All of this was compounded by horrible violent negative self-talk. After having a meltdown where I didn't sleep for 3 days and could not stop crying, I sought help. There I was diagnosed not with depression but with generalized anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. The intrusive and repetitive negative thoughts that I was having were attributed to being an high "O" OCD sufferer. My inability to let go of things that I found hurtful or didn't understand was also attributed to this. My fears were attributed to anxiety about anything and everything. My medications were changed and I went through cycles of health and darkness.

Now I am 29, I am reaching the point of my journey where I just cannot carry on like this. I made an appointment to see a counsellor at my university. Today we walked through past traumas, my diagnoses, what I've done and not done and how it plays out in my life. At the end of the talk, there were two major break throughs.

First, I am not kind to myself. I have compassion for others who are suffering and even allow generous space for them to work through and process all they are feeling and going through.

When it comes to my own pain, my own stress, I minimize, criticize and humiliate myself for not being, saying, or doing enough. 

I should myself into despair and become immobilized. Or I lash out at people who are experiencing what I long to have and withdraw completely. So my homework for the next to week is to practice showing myself compassion when I am in pain.

Second, I have had a lot of trauma. My symptoms are pointing to a misdiagnosis. Rather than depression, OCD and anxiety, the counsellor is treating me for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder stemming from childhood and life-long trauma. We went over the various things that can cause a child to have PTSD (never mind that my mother struggles with this and is getting a lot better with the right diagnosis). Every single item on the list is something that I have experienced ad nauseum. Something as simple as multiple medical tests and surgeries can cause PTSD in a child, especially if occurring before age 3...which is my first memory of surgery--with many more to follow.

All of this to say that help is out there, you don't have to go through the mess alone. If something doesn't feel right with your healthcare professionals--say something. Make sure you give them all the information, even if it feels uncomfortable and shameful, they are there to help you. Don't spend 15 years or worse muddling through when you can start being free now.

Just one PTSD kid to another.

Radical 2.0

Just over a year ago, I came out as Bisexual to those who know and love me and then on social media. For the sake of Christian connection, I put myself back in the closet so to speak in order to avoid hard conversations, criticism, isolation and potential loss of relationship. In doing so, I became judgemental, defensive, angry and isolated. I ended up perpetrating all of the things I was afraid of happening to me to others.

Friends and family tried to reach out and be close with me. They called, texted and emailed regularly. I shut them out. I kept telling myself "they won't understand" which really meant "they won't accept me". What I was forgetting is that many of these people already love and accept me...what's more, is many of them suspected I was struggling with something that was bigger than my anxiety.

I've been a part of The Gay Christian Network for almost three years now, to learn more about them click here. At GCN, I've found people on all sides of "The Great Debate" as they call it. There's a spectrum from allies and parents of LGBTQ+ believers to married and committed same gender couples. There's opposite gender couples in mixed orientation marriages trying to make it work. There's celibate Christians who take a literal approach to scripture. And there's dating LGBTQ+ Christians who take a more liberal approach to scripture.

Here's what isn't there....judgement. There's no inquisition. No need to defend one's existence or choices.

There's room to ask questions, find answers from all sides and chew on the heady stuff with Jesus. There's many resources for scriptural analysis for both Side A (Same Gender Marriage) and Side B (Celibacy). There's resources on how to have the conversations that are hard. Theres a community full of love and support.

What does that leave me with? Hope. Hope for reconciliation between the marginalized and the church at large. Hope for me, that I have a place to fit without feeling like a leper or having to have it all figured out. Hope for the kids that are holding back from relationship with Jesus because "Christians hate gays".

I would love to have a discussion about how to support people who are marginalized rather than how to support that my existence (as someone who is Bisexual and a Christian) is okay with God.

I've chosen to remain silent for the last year because I've not wanted to argue. I don't want to defend myself when people say "it's not who you are", "God didn't create you this way" and so many things that are meant to be encouraging but really aren't.

If you'd like to know more, I can hook you up with some resources:

The Great Debate-Side A and Side B
 Kevin Garcia, LBGTQ Speaker and Writer, Lover of Jesus
My Personal Hero, Vicky Beeching +Vicky Beeching
Believe Out Loud, and movement removing the stigma for LGBTQ+ Believers +Believe Out Loud
Matthew Vines and I are not on the same page, but here it is anyway. I take more of a Side B approach. +Matthew Vines

Feel free to share and comment. If comments are hateful, they will be deleted. Let's move forward in love and respect.

Take Me to Church

This is the best poem I have ever written to date. I was afraid to share it with the world because of how "love" is personified here. After sharing it with a very godly friend of mine, I've gained the courage I desire to share it. She made an insightful comment--the woman is you--this is the way you see love. 

How do you see love? Bittersweet? Passionate? Consuming? Steadfast? Tidal?

“Admit it: you have spared her nothing, not even this.

Like little planets hanging there suspended like soft stars like

cattle kneeling in earth. Crows flutter in her veins; church bells

come again in wet speech.”

The Usual Past Tense …Is Hung

Emily Carr

Bittersweet is a generous love

all at once devoted and consuming

infatuation at its best

she becomes your whole world

every detail cemented in your heart

catalogue the joyful enraptured bliss

dote on her with all your riches

negate your own self care

all other people you dismiss

while you worship her

Admit it: you have spared her nothing, not even this.

Specks of copper on porcelain

intentional chaos of a master sculptor

highlight flaws that make perfection

you trace the dots forming the picture

her skin holding constellations

the rhythm of her heart begins to spike

careful attention at the cost of all else

you and she in limbo here

in all your differences alike

contained within her universe

Like little planets hanging there suspended like soft stars like

Time is not of importance

you lose yourself in her

and she lazily devours you

tasting the soft caverns of your heart

minutes turn to hours and days

you cannot think freely of her spells

mischief is her master

freedom is her burdened yoke

grazing through dormant impassioned belles

at her pleasure you are reduced to

cattle kneeling in earth. Crows flutter in her veins; church bells

Two are one and one are two

a tangled sleepy mess

she is the bond you cannot break

love rests here within forbidden fields

discipled by her captured affections

silent and still your bodies preach

to one another’s quiet fears

to pebbled paths of discontent

to consumption of each ripened peach

her pale blue eyes whisper in your ear

come again in wet speech.